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top five mobile phone vendors

The table compares the market share of top-five mobile phone sellers globally in 2005, 2006, and 2007. Units sold is measured in millions while market share is measured in percentage. Overall, it is clear that Nokia remained the market leader in all three years whilst Sony Ericson and LG Electronics stayed lowest; however, Samsung, Motorola, and others fluctuated. In 2005, Nokia’s percentage was the highest at 31. 8%, and others were the closest competitor with 25. 6%. Samsung and Motorola were at 17. 5% and 12. 3% respectively, followed by Sony Ericson and LG Electronics with 6. 1% and 6. 6% sequentially. In 2006, market share of Nokia increased and reached at 34. 8%, but now its slightly closest competitor was Motorola, as compared to 2005; hence, others decreased significantly and stood at 19. 7%. In 2007, share of Nokia rose again by around 4%. By contrast there was less competition with Nokia in 2007, as compared to 2005 and 2006.
The table compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of top-five mobile phone sellers globally in 2005, 2006, and 2007. Units sold
is measured
in millions while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
is measured
in percentage.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Nokia remained the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
leader in all three years whilst Sony
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ericson
and LG Electronics stayed lowest;
however
, Samsung, Motorola,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
fluctuated.

In 2005, Nokia’s percentage was the highest at 31. 8%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
were the closest competitor with 25. 6%. Samsung and Motorola were at 17. 5% and 12. 3%
respectively
, followed by Sony
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ericson
and LG Electronics with 6. 1% and 6. 6%
sequentially
.

In 2006,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of Nokia increased and reached at 34. 8%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
its
slightly
A determiner is probably missing here: “the closest”.
closest
competitor was Motorola, as compared to 2005;
hence
, others decreased
significantly
and stood at 19. 7%. In 2007,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of Nokia rose again by around 4%. By contrast there was less competition with Nokia in 2007, as compared to 2005 and 2006.
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IELTS academic top five mobile phone vendors

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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