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survey of people in britain in 1999

survey of people in britain in 1999 R58Go
The details about the data of people in Britain who visited, theme parks, wildlife and zoos, museum and galleries and historic houses and monuments in 1999 is illustrated by the rendered pie chart. The information is calibrated in percentage. Majority of people preferred to visit theme parks. Moreover, black pressure beach(47%) tops the list, which accounted for almost half of the total visitors, while Aton towers was the second highest but compromised only 17%. On the contrary, Chessington world of adventures and Legoland Winsor were the least preferred, having contributed for merely 10% each. The likes of visitors changed with change of attraction. Out of the remaining three places, 37 % people enjoyed visiting museum and galleries whereas only 16 and 9 % favored going historic museums and theme parks respectively which is equal to the quarter of the total people. To cap it all, it can be vividly manifested that three fourth of the people enjoyed going theme parks and museum and galleries and the remaining preferred monuments and wildlife.
The
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details
about the data of
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people
in Britain who visited,
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theme
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parks
, wildlife and zoos,
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museum
and galleries and historic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and monuments in 1999
is illustrated
by the rendered pie chart. The information
is calibrated
in percentage.

Majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
.
Moreover
, black pressure beach(47%) tops the list, which accounted for almost half of the total visitors, while
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Aton
towers was the second highest
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but
compromised
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
17%.
On the contrary
,
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Chessington
world of adventures and
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Legoland
Possible spelling mistake found.
Winsor
were the least preferred, having contributed for
merely
10% each.

The likes of visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of attraction. Out of the remaining three places, 37 %
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people
enjoyed visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and galleries whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16 and 9 % favored going historic
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museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
respectively
which is equal to the quarter of the total
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To cap it all, it can be
vividly
manifested that three fourth of the
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people
enjoyed going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and galleries and the remaining preferred monuments and wildlife.
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IELTS academic survey of people in britain in 1999

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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