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Bar Graph showing education changes in men and women

Bar Graph showing education changes in men and women 9a9k3
The bar chart gives information about men and women studying full time or part-time in Britain during 3 periods of time from 1970 to 1990. A clear look at the graph makes it conspicuous that both men and women chose part-time education than full time. Explicitly, in 1970-71 nearly 1000 thousand men preferred part-time education whereas only 100 thousand opted for full time study. During this period, the number of women is less than that of men in both part-time and full time. A decade later, we can see a downward trend in men opting for part-time. On the contrary, there was a ceiling trend in women in this period. Turning to full time, there is a gradual rise in both the genders compared to 1970-71. Finally after 10 years, the number of men in part-time increased from approximately 850 thousand to 900 thousand whereas full time rocketed to nearly 210 thousand. On the other hand, women who opted for part-time increased to more than 1000 thousand, the highest of all time. Men and women who opted for full time remained same during this period.
The bar chart gives information about
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men
and
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women
studying
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full
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time
or part-time in Britain during 3
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periods
of
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time
from 1970 to 1990.

A
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clear
look at the graph
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makes
it conspicuous that both
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men
and
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women
chose part-time education than
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full
time.

Explicitly
, in 1970-71
nearly
1000 thousand
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men
preferred part-time education whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
100 thousand opted for
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full
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time
study. During this
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period
, the number of
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women
is less than that of
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men
in both part-time and
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full
time.

A decade later, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a downward trend in
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men
opting for part-time.
On the contrary
, there was a ceiling trend in
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women
in this
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period
. Turning to
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full
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time
, there is a gradual rise in both the genders compared to 1970-71.

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Finally
after 10 years, the number of
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men
in part-time increased from approximately 850 thousand to 900 thousand whereas
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full
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time
rocketed to
nearly
210 thousand.
On the other hand
,
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women
who opted for part-time increased to more than 1000 thousand, the highest of all
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time
.
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Men
and
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women
who opted for
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full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
remained same during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
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IELTS academic Bar Graph showing education changes in men and women

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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