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Students analysis on their approach and stuff

Students analysis on their approach and stuff brx6Y
The charts given above are namely ‘reasons for study according to age’ and ‘employer support’ respectively. The first graph explicitly shows that as the age of a student increases, career-centric studying gradually decreases. It can be seen that at the age of 26, around 80% of students are into studying with an aim to flourish in their respective careers and as they age over 49, the career-centric approach gradually mutates into an interest-centric approach. We can also observe that in the 40’s range [40-49], both career and interest-centric graphs are at the same level, showing a balanced approach towards studying. According to the second graph, the lowest employer support is granted to the age group of 30-39 years old, approximately around 30-35%. In contrast, the peak of the graph that represents the highest support is at age 26 and below, figuratively around 60-65%. The general trend of this graph is not regular, first with an increase in age the support decreases and later after hitting the lowest point at around the secondary adult phase, it increases with age over 49.
The charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above are
namely
‘reasons for study according to
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age’
and ‘employer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support’
respectively
. The
first
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graph
explicitly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of a student increases, career-centric studying
gradually
decreases. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 26,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
80% of students are into studying with an aim to flourish in their respective careers and as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
over 49, the career-centric approach
gradually
mutates into an interest-centric approach. We can
also
observe that in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "40s".
40’s
range [40-49], both career and interest-centric
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graphs
are at the same level, showing a balanced approach towards studying.

According to the second
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graph
, the lowest employer
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support
is granted
to the
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age
group of 30-39 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, approximately
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around
30-35%.
In contrast
, the peak of the
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graph
that represents the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
is at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
26 and below,
figuratively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
60-65%. The general trend of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
is not regular,
first
with an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
decreases and later after hitting the lowest point at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the secondary adult phase, it increases with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
over 49.
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IELTS academic Students analysis on their approach and stuff

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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