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stock price of four technology companies

stock price of four technology companies 6LKV0
The line graph presented indicates the stock prices variation of the best four technologie companies in the world between 2011 and 2016 overall, we can witness facebook stock prices having a huge rise while yahoo experiencing a fall. Apple's stock prices keep on variating thus google's shares are having a period of stability. To Start Facebook prices increased signigicantly from 7500 in the beginning of the year 2011 to reach the peak of 20000 in the year 2016. Contrarily, Yahoo was at rise in the year 2011 with a 7500 price then it progressively declined to reach almost 2000 in the year 2016. With Google being a strong comapny, we can compare it to a plateau. Google prices remained the same at 1000 per share for the whole 6 years period. On the other side, apple prices skyrocket going from 5000 per share to 35000 as the highest price in 1 year only. later that year the price dropped rapidly to 7500 in the year 2013. It recovered slightly in 2014 reaching 12500 then went down dramatically in the year 2016 valuing 5500 per share.
The line graph presented indicates the stock
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "prices'" or "prex's", "price's"?
prices
variation of the best four
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technologie
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companies
in the

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world
between 2011 and 2016

overall
, we can witness
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facebook
stock
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prices
having a huge rise while yahoo experiencing a fall.

Apple's stock
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prices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on
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variating
thus
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google's
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shares
are having a period of stability.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
Facebook
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prices
increased
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signigicantly
from 7500 in the beginning of the
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year
2011 to reach the peak of 20000

in the
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year
2016.
Contrarily
, Yahoo was at rise in the
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year
2011 with a 7500
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price
then it
progressively
declined to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
reach
almost 2000 in the
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year
2016.

With Google being a strong
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comapny
, we can compare it to a plateau. Google
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prices
remained the same at 1000 per
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share
for the

whole 6 years period. On the other side, apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
skyrocket going from 5000 per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
to 35000 as the highest
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price
in 1
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year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
later
that
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year
the
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price
dropped
rapidly
to 7500 in the
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year
2013. It recovered
slightly
in 2014 reaching 12500 then went down
dramatically


in the
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year
2016 valuing 5500 per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
.
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IELTS academic stock price of four technology companies

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
185 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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