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ownership of electrical appliances and duration of time they spent doing housework in households

ownership of electrical appliances and duration of time they spent doing housework in households wemn3
The graph illustrates the changes takes place in ownership of electrical appliances and duration of time they spent doing housework in households in country in between years of 1920-2019. Overall, refrigerator ownership starts with zero whereas other two appliances starts with greater than 30%. Comparitively intial years took a large amount of time in for their housework with electricals appliances rather than upcoming years. From beginning yeras onwords washing machine and Vaccum cleaner are own by households almost 30% and 40%. form there the we can observe significant raise in vaccum cleaner whereas washing machine fluxuates. However purchase of refrigerator is drastic raise from the beginning. In the year of 1980 purchase of Washing machine took lowest place compare to other two. With reference to second graph the numbers of hours per week spent by housemakers drops gradually form the beginning. That illustrates that significant modifications in appliances takes place through year by year. From year 2019 households spent almost 40 hours less comparatively in the year of 1920.
The graph illustrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
takes place in ownership of electrical
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appliances
and duration of

time they spent doing housework in households in country in between years of 1920-2019.

Overall
, refrigerator ownership
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starts
with zero whereas other two
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appliances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with greater

than 30%.
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Comparitively
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intial
years took a large amount of time in for their housework with

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electricals
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appliances
rather
than upcoming years.

From beginning
Possible spelling mistake found.
yeras
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onwords
washing machine and
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Vaccum
cleaner are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
by households almost 30% and 40%.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
form
there
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "we"?
the we
can observe significant raise in
Possible spelling mistake found.
vaccum
cleaner whereas washing machine
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluxuates
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
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purchase
of refrigerator is drastic raise from the beginning. In the
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year
of 1980
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of

Washing machine took
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
place compare to other two.

With reference to second graph the numbers of hours per week spent by
Possible spelling mistake found.
housemakers
drops
gradually
form the beginning.

That illustrates that significant modifications in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appliances
takes place through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. From
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year
2019

households spent almost 40 hours less
comparatively
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1920.

IELTS academic ownership of electrical appliances and duration of time they spent doing housework in households

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
169 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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