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proportions of British students at one university in England

proportions of British students at one university in England OyEPd
The given pie charts depict the percentages of British pupils who have abilities to speak other languages at university in England from 2000 to 2010. Overall, It can be seen that most of students can speak Spanish only more than 25 percent in the same way of the different two years and the charts show the ratio decline of pupils who can speak English and French only. On the other hand, the charts illustrate the steadily proportion of students able to speak German. School children have capabilities to speak Spanish in addition to English 30 and 35 percent from 2000 to 2010 respectively. However, the minority of children can speak German only and two other languages in the same ratio (10%) in 2000. In addition, students have competence to speak French only, German only, and some of them can not speak in other language in the equal percent(10%) in the next 10 years. Furthermore, it clearly to be seen the increasing of students who have talent to speak another language in supplementary to English from 15% in 2000 and 20% in 2010.
The
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given
pie charts depict the percentages of British pupils who have abilities to
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speak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
at university in England from 2000 to 2010.

Overall
, It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
Spanish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
more than 25 percent
in the same way
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
two years and the charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the ratio decline of pupils who can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
English and French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the charts illustrate the
steadily
proportion of
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students
able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
German.

School children have capabilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
Spanish
in addition
to English 30 and 35 percent from 2000 to 2010
respectively
.
However
, the minority of children can
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speak
German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
and two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in the same ratio (10%) in 2000.
In addition
,
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students
have competence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
, German
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only
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them can not
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speak
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in the equal percent(10%) in the
next
10 years.

Furthermore
, it
clearly
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have talent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in supplementary to English from 15% in 2000 and 20% in 2010.
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IELTS academic proportions of British students at one university in England

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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