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Southland's main exports and future projections

Southland's main exports and future projections 0pxQ1
The graph shows us rough data on the money earned from export products of Southland in the years 2000 and 2021. Moreover, it tells us about the economic plans regarding these products for the year 2025. First of all, it can be observed that Southland’s income from international tourism increased by an amount of only one billion in the past 21 years. Therefore, they seem to have planned to earn around 10 billion by 2025. Regarding dairy products, the exportation of these items had an impressive growth, from 7 billion to 10 billions. However, the project is to adjust the income through reducing it by half a billion. Turning to the trade of meat products, it is clear that they received the lowest amount of money from it. Even so, it seems that they are shrinking the amount little by little so that by 2025, this business would earn them less than 5 billions. In conclusion, Southland is making a constructive marketing plan by focusing on tourism and dairy products while bringing down the amount of meat exported.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us rough data on the money earned from export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
of Southland in the years 2000 and 2021.
Moreover
, it
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tells
us about the economic plans regarding these
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products
for the year 2025.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can
be observed
that Southland’s income from international tourism increased by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
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billion
in the past 21 years.
Therefore
, they seem to have planned to earn around 10
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billion
by 2025.

Regarding dairy
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products
, the exportation of these items had an impressive growth, from 7
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billion
to 10
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billions
.
However
, the project is to adjust the income through reducing it by half a billion.

Turning to the trade of meat
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products
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that they received the lowest
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amount
of money from it. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it seems that they are shrinking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that by 2025, this business would earn them less than 5 billions.

In conclusion
, Southland is making a constructive marketing plan by focusing on tourism and dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
while bringing down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of meat exported.
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IELTS academic Southland's main exports and future projections

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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