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Some people believe that great difference in age between parents and children is more beneficial. Do you think the advantages of greater difference in age between them outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some people believe that great difference in age between parents and children is more beneficial. Do you think the advantages of greater difference in age between them outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Some people hold the opinion that age difference among parents and children is beneficial, while I agree greater difference of age has many pitfalls. Firstly, well age difference create respectable environment between parents and children that is very essential for every child to respect their parents, while some people do not believe on it. Moreover, most significant thing was found that, nowadays days, at the age of retirement so many parents are deliberately doing work for their children on account of age difference. Whereas, mostly parents are enjoying life with their offspring who has less age difference. Whereas, some adults on the stage of student life start working to get some money for financial support and take care of aged parents that eventually effects on their study and futures, as well as they hold so many big responsibility at early age and would grabbed by so many diseases on their mature age namely, Blood pressure, Sugar, stress and others. On these cases, offspring do not share their feelings and issues with them and mostly parents are unable to support their child on retired period, either it’s physical or financial. On the other hand, it’s quite difficult to look after children at the period of retirement, and on the same time offspring requires proper attention from parents, meanwhile some students is trapped by those people who brings them into bad environment by the virtue of stress, pressure and inadequacy of knowledge. In conclusion, greater age difference would effect on both future lives thus people should consider on it' s both consequences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is beneficial, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pitfalls.

Firstly
, well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
create respectable environment between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for every child to respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not believe on it.
Moreover
, most significant thing
was found
that, nowadays days, at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
deliberately
doing work for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on account of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
. Whereas,
mostly
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parents
are enjoying life with their offspring who has less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference.

Whereas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults on the stage of student life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for financial support and take care of aged
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parents
that
eventually
effects on their study and futures,
as well
as they hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "grab"
grabbed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases on their mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
namely
, Blood pressure, Sugar,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. On these cases, offspring do not share their feelings and issues with them and
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are unable to support their child on retired period, either it’s physical or financial.

On the other hand
, it’s quite difficult to look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the period of retirement, and on the same time offspring requires proper attention from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, meanwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students
is trapped
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "bring"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
brings
them into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
environment by the virtue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, pressure and inadequacy of knowledge.

In conclusion
, greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
would
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on both future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider on
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s both consequences.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic Some people believe that great difference in age between parents and children is more beneficial. Do you think the advantages of greater difference in age between them outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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