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Social networking do you agree or disagree

Social networking do you agree or disagree 3bDKl
One of the main points why I agree that popular website have been even dangerous to mankind is that it has caused mental health illness.   Disease such stress, anxiety, anorexia and excessive eating disorder are just among some of the illness that have resonated with danger of being online. Suicide and depression rate have never been so high. According to research found in Florida University of Psychology Studies 65 percent of both adults and adolescents fall under depression after 3 month of consistent use of social networking sites, individual experiences harsh conflict feelings while swiping the net, because of the way people tend to portray themselves on the net, its next to impossible to not imagine "what If you looked like that "or "what If you had that " Satisfaction with one self over time is challenged. Furthermore, even though online webs have created a new job for many people, these famous individuals adds nothing to their society,   they are make content for dead brained individuals. Celebrity such as influencers are very materialistic and superficial. Mostly showing off their superiority by expressing to the public what they have or advertise useless products to their followers for a gain. They are not restricted, these people can use their huge following for any cause and instead they choose a worthless cause. This in return is creating a community that does not care about anything but money and gaining access to items. To conclude, social networking sites have influenced human lives a great amount, however this obsession have had only created mindless humen and increased world's mental illness.
One of the main points why I
agree
that popular website have been even
dangerous
to mankind is that it has caused mental health illness.
 
Disease such
stress
, anxiety, anorexia and excessive eating disorder are
just
among
some of the
illness that have resonated with
danger
of being online. Suicide and depression rate have never been
so
high. According to research found in Florida University of Psychology Studies 65 percent of both adults and adolescents fall under depression after 3
month
of consistent
use
of social networking sites, individual experiences harsh conflict feelings while swiping the net,
because
of the way
people
tend to portray themselves on the net,
its
next
to impossible to not imagine
"
what If you looked like that
"
or
"
what If you had that
"
Satisfaction with one self over time
is challenged
.

Furthermore
,
even though
online webs have created a new job for
many
people
, these
famous
individuals
adds
nothing to their society,
 
they are
make
content for dead brained individuals. Celebrity such as influencers are
very
materialistic and superficial.
Mostly
showing off their superiority by expressing to the public what they have or advertise useless products to their followers for a gain. They are not restricted, these
people
can
use
their huge following for any cause and
instead
they choose a worthless cause. This in return is creating a community that does not care about anything
but
money and gaining access to items.

To conclude
, social networking sites have influenced human
lives
a great amount,
however
this obsession have had
only
created mindless
humen
and increased world's mental illness.
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IELTS academic Social networking do you agree or disagree

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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