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sales of cd dvd and software over years

sales of cd dvd and software over years XyrL8
The chart shows the changes in the sales of video material / DVDs, games software and CDs around the world in billions of dollars over a three-year period. It can be seen that the sales of videos / DVDs and games software have increased, while the sales of CDs have gone down slightly. Between 2000 and 2003, the sale of videos and DVDs rose by approximately 13 billion dollars. In 2000, just under 20 billion dollars worth of these items were sold, but in 2003, this figure had risen to a little over 30 billion dollars. The sales of games software also rose during this period, but less sharply. Sales increased from about 13 billion dollars in 2000 to just under 20 billion dollars three years later. By contrast, during the same time period, the sale of CDs fell from 35 billion dollars in 2000 to about 32. 5 billion dollars in 2003.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
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sales
of video material / DVDs, games software and CDs around the world in
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billions
of
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dollars
over a three-year period. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of videos / DVDs and games software have increased, while the
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sales
of CDs have gone down
slightly
.

Between 2000 and 2003, the
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sale
of videos and DVDs rose by approximately 13
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billion
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dollars
. In 2000,
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just
under 20
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billion
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dollars
worth of these items
were sold
,
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but
in 2003, this figure had risen to a
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little
over 30
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billion
dollars.

The
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sales
of games software
also
rose during this period,
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but
less
sharply
.
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Sales
increased from about 13
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billion
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dollars
in 2000 to
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just
under 20
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billion
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dollars
three years later. By contrast, during the same time period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of CDs fell from 35
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2000 to about 32. 5
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2003.
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IELTS academic sales of cd dvd and software over years

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
153 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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