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Sales of a college bookshop for the month Feb 2000

Sales of a college bookshop for the month Feb 2000 96D8n
A glance at the table reveals the sales figures/volume/total turnover of fiction books, non-fiction books, and magazines in a college bookshop for February 2000. The figures are divided into two sub-groups: sales to non-Book Club members and to Book Club members. Overall, what stands out from the table is that magazines were the number-one purchase among all publications listed which accounted for/occupied/made up/took up/constituted/comprised: (chiếm) the greatest number of sales As can be clearly illustrated/demonstrated/listed/revealed/seen from the table, the non-Book Club members’ figures comprise sales to college staff, college students, and members of the public. To be specific, college staff bought/picked up/chose/got/selected/opted for 332 magazines, 44 fiction and 29 non-fiction books. Likewise, college students purchased 1249 magazines, 149 non-fiction and 31 fiction books. However, it is interesting to note that more magazines were sold to college students than to any other groups of customers. Although no fiction books were sold to members of the public, they purchased/picked up 122 non-fiction books and 82 magazines. Likewise/In the same way/Similarly, as shown in the table, the figures from book club members vary greatly among different types of customers. To be specific/In detail/To specify/To illustrate, Book Club members bought more fiction (76) and non-fiction books (942) than other customers. On the other hand, magazines sales to Book Club members (33) were fewer than any other types of customer. The total number of publications sold for the month was 3134 (1474 to college students, 405 to staff, 204 to the public, and 1051 to Book Club members). Of this figure, 151 items were fiction books and 1287 were non-fiction.
A glance at the
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table
reveals the
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sales
figures/volume/total turnover of
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fiction
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books
,
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non-fiction
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books
, and
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magazines
in a college bookshop for February 2000. The
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figures
are divided
into two sub-groups:
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sales
to non-Book
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Club
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members
and to
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Book
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Club
members.

Overall
, what stands out from the
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table
is that
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magazines
were the number-one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
among all publications listed which accounted for/occupied/made up/took up/constituted/comprised: (
Possible spelling mistake found.
chiếm
) the greatest number of sales

As can be
clearly
illustrated/demonstrated/listed/revealed/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
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table
, the non-Book
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Club
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members’
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figures
comprise
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sales
to college staff, college
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students
, and
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members
of the public. To be specific, college staff
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bought
/picked up/chose/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
/selected/opted for 332
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magazines
, 44
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fiction
and 29
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non-fiction
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books
.
Likewise
, college
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
1249
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magazines
, 149
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non-fiction
and 31
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fiction
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books
.
However
, it is interesting to note that more
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magazines
were sold
to college
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students
than to any
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other
groups of
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customers
. Although no
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fiction
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books
were sold
to
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members
of the public, they
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purchased
/picked up 122
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non-fiction
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books
and 82 magazines.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
/
In the same way
/
Similarly
, as shown in the
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table
, the
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figures
from
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book
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club
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members
vary
greatly
among
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different
types of
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customers
. To be specific/In detail/To specify/To illustrate,
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Book
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Club
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members
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bought
more
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fiction
(76) and
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non-fiction
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books
(942) than
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other
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customers
. On the
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other
hand,
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magazines
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sales
to
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Book
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Club
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members
(33) were fewer than any
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other
types of
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customer
. The total number of publications sold for the month was 3134 (1474 to college
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students
, 405 to staff, 204 to the public, and 1051 to
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Book
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Club
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members)
. Of this
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figure
, 151 items were
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fiction
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books
and 1287 were
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non-fiction
.
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IELTS academic Sales of a college bookshop for the month Feb 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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