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Rider award for a University lecturer describing the information and to graphs highest level of education of women in civilian 1945 and 1995.

Rider award for a University lecturer describing the information and to graphs highest level of education of women in civilian 1945 and 1995. nRPOE
The charts depict information about education of females in Someland changed by comparing highest level of education in year 1945 and 1995. The data is calibrated in terms of percentages. Overall, it is interesting to note that, women of years 6 was maximum; whereas, percentage of a first degree was minimum and year 12, First degree and post graduates represents not any proportion. Having a myopic look on pie charts, it is clear that women who did not get an education was almost one-third in former year and one in ten in 1995. Females literate by former study was 20% as opposed to 35% in first year. Moreover, under primary class students awarded were nearly less than one-fifth in 1945. Probing further, women completed graduation in 1945 was merely 1% and in second year no one get awarded from first degree. In secondary education, Bachelor degree and post graduation females fulfill their study were nill respectively. Graduation degree or 12th standard certificate holders were approximately 4% in first year.
The charts depict information about
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education
of females in
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Someland
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changed
by comparing
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
level of
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education
in
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year
1945 and 1995. The data
is calibrated
in terms of percentages.

Overall
, it is interesting to note that, women of years 6 was maximum; whereas, percentage of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
was minimum and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
12,
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First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and post graduates represents not any proportion.

Having a myopic look on pie charts, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that women who did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was almost one-third in former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and one in ten in 1995. Females literate by former study was 20% as opposed to 35% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Moreover
, under primary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
students awarded were
nearly
less than one-fifth in 1945.

Probing
further
, women completed graduation in 1945 was
merely
1% and in second
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year
no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
awarded from
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first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. In secondary
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education
, Bachelor
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degree
and post graduation females fulfill their study were
Possible spelling mistake found.
nill
respectively
. Graduation
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degree
or 12th standard certificate holders were approximately 4% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic Rider award for a University lecturer describing the information and to graphs highest level of education of women in civilian 1945 and 1995.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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