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the changing patterns of acess to modern technology in homes in the Uk

the changing patterns of acess to modern technology in homes in the Uk PgJ6d
The graph illustrates the development patterns of access to the latest technology in households in the UK over 14 years. Overall, access to the four different models of technology rose dramatically from 1994 to 2008. Although DVD player came out last (2002), they rose significantly and reached a peak at 85% in 2008. In 1994, about 45% of households had access to CD player technology firstly and then increased gradually around 85% in 2005. However, there has been a slight decrease in CD player over 3 years. Regarding DVD player technology started the last, they had risen significantly from nearly 25% to 85% and overtook CD player as a primary latest technology had access a lot. The percentages of Internet connection and Mobile phone were 10 % and 18% respectively between 1996 and 1998. There has been a continuous rise over 10 years in terms of Internet connection, ending the year at approximately 65%. In contrast, Mobile phone experienced a gradual fluctuation to 2002 and then levelled off nearly 80% over the last years. The gap of CD player fourfold Internet connection in the first 4 years, but after that, the distance narrows down to 20%.
The graph illustrates the development patterns of
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access
to the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in households in the UK
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over
14 years.

Overall
,
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access
to the four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
models of
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technology
rose
dramatically
from 1994 to 2008. Although DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
came out last (2002), they rose
significantly
and reached a peak at 85% in 2008.

In 1994, about 45% of households had
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access
to CD
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player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
firstly
and then increased
gradually
around 85% in 2005.
However
, there has been a slight decrease in CD
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player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
3 years. Regarding DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the last, they had risen
significantly
from
nearly
25% to 85% and overtook CD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
as a primary latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
had
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access
a lot.

The percentages of Internet connection and Mobile phone were 10 % and 18%
respectively
between 1996 and 1998. There has been a continuous rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
10 years in terms of Internet connection, ending the
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year
at approximately 65%.
In contrast
, Mobile phone experienced a gradual fluctuation to 2002 and then levelled off
nearly
80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the last years. The gap of CD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
fourfold Internet connection in the
first
4 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after that, the distance narrows down to 20%.
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IELTS academic the changing patterns of acess to modern technology in homes in the Uk

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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