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Rate of smokers men and women

Rate of smokers men and women XEW7q
The quantity of smoking has been a consistent concern for government and medical officials as the risks far outweigh the benefits. The graph mentioned demonstrates the varying count of smokers per 1000 people including both genders from 1960 to 2000. Overall, the count of men and women inhaling harmful substances has declined over the decades. Additionally, the least measure of men smoking were recorded in the year 1960, while for women it was later on in 2000. From 1960 to 1975, as mentioned earlier, men were documented at approximately 100 in count. But gradually increased and ended with double the numbers in 1975. On the other hand, the figure of female smokers were recorded at its peak reaching 600 in the first year. However, in 1975 it came down to 500 people which is only 200 more than men. Beginning 1975, both male and female declined on the scale. Notably, men's count came down to 200 in the final year. Similarly, the count of women shrinked to the least yet recorded which is 250 in each 1000 people.
The quantity of smoking has been a consistent concern for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and medical officials as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
far outweigh the benefits. The graph mentioned demonstrates the varying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
of smokers per 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
including both genders from 1960 to 2000.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women inhaling harmful substances has declined over the decades.
Additionally
, the least measure of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
smoking
were recorded
in the year 1960, while for women it was later on in 2000.

From 1960 to 1975, as mentioned earlier,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were documented
at approximately 100 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
gradually
increased and ended with double the numbers in 1975.
On the other hand
, the figure of female smokers
were recorded
at its peak reaching 600 in the
first
year.
However
, in 1975 it came down to 500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
200 more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

Beginning 1975, both male and female declined on the scale.
Notably
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
came down to 200 in the final year.
Similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
count
of women
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "shrank", the past tense form of the verb 'shrink'?
shrinked
to the least
yet
recorded which is 250 in each 1000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS academic Rate of smokers men and women

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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