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Radio and television in a day in UK in 1992

Radio and television in a day in UK in 1992 YBRon
The line graph demonstrates the amount of people over 4 years old in percentage listening to the radio and watching TV recorded everyday in UK from October to December of 1992. In a whole, the line graph shows that most people listen to the radio in the morning while watching TV is a much more popular activity in the evening. In a day, most people were watching TV than were listening to the radio. As the TV line shown, not much people were watching TV for the first half of the day as the line fluctuated at around 5 to 10 percent of the population. Starting the second half of the day see a tremendous increase as people tends to watch the TV more, then reaching the top of the day at 45% of the people at around 9 o’clock. After that time till midnight the amount of viewer plunged to below 10% as it is sleep time. Identically, the amount of radio listeners also began low and stay at that point for around 6 hours. Next was a major boom of radio listening and topped the day at near 9 o’clock in the morning at about 25% of the population. After topping the day, the percentage of people listening to the radio tumbled down with a small bump up at 5 o’clock in the afternoon to 5% at the end of the day
The
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line
graph demonstrates the amount of
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people
over 4 years
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old
in percentage listening to the
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radio
and watching TV recorded
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
in UK from October to
When specifying a month and year, 'of' is unnecessary: "December 1992".
December of 1992
.

In a whole, the
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line
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that most
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people
listen to the
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radio
in the morning while watching TV is a much more popular activity in the evening. In a day, most
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people
were watching TV than were listening to the radio.

As the TV
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line
shown, not much
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people
were watching TV for the
first
half of the day as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
fluctuated at around 5 to 10 percent of the population. Starting the second half of the day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a tremendous increase as
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the TV more, then reaching the top of the day at 45% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at around 9 o’clock. After that time till midnight the amount of viewer plunged to below 10% as it is sleep time.

Identically
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
listeners
also
began low and stay at that point for around 6 hours.
Next
was a major boom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
listening and topped the day at near 9 o’clock in the morning at about 25% of the population. After topping the day, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listening to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
tumbled down with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
bump up at 5 o’clock in the afternoon to 5% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
day
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IELTS academic Radio and television in a day in UK in 1992

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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