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proportion of population aged 65 and over

proportion of population aged 65 and over xnBN
the line graph gives data about the percentage of people who are 65 years old and more through a 100 year period beginning from the 1940 in Japan, Sweden and USA. In generall, there was an upward trend in countries. Also, this rate in Japan was the highest. In the year 1940, the ratio of population of 65 and more in America was the highest, with nearly 10%, roughly twice as much as the number for Japan, while only about nearly 7. 5% the Sweden
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
line graph gives data about the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and more through a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "100-year"
100 year
period beginning from the 1940 in Japan, Sweden and USA. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
generall
, there was an upward trend in countries.
Also
, this rate in Japan was the highest. In the year 1940, the ratio of population of 65 and more in America was the highest, with
nearly
10%, roughly twice as much as the number for Japan, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about
nearly
7. 5% the Sweden

IELTS academic proportion of population aged 65 and over

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
84 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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