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Proportion of music sales by method

Proportion of music sales by method K0R6L
The line graph illustrates three methods of how people buy music from 2011 to 2018. Overall, both downloads and CDs purchased declined during the five-year period. In contrast, there has been a significant rise in streaming music since 2011. Purchase of CDs accounted for nearly half in 2011, which was about ten times as many as streaming music. At the same time, 35% of people downloaded music. When CD purchased started to decrease, both the streaming of music and downloads started to increase. However, downloads dropped by 10% from 2014 to 2018. Meanwhile, there was a growth of 30% in streaming. In general, there was a clear trend in the streaming music. It represented the greatest percentage in 2018.
The line graph illustrates three methods of how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
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music
from 2011 to 2018.

Overall
, both downloads and CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
declined during the five-year period.
In contrast
, there has been a significant rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
since 2011.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Purchase
of CDs accounted for
nearly
half in 2011, which was about ten times as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. At the same time, 35% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
downloaded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. When CD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decrease, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and downloads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase.
However
, downloads dropped by 10% from 2014 to 2018. Meanwhile, there was a growth of 30% in streaming.

In general
, there was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. It represented the greatest percentage in 2018.

IELTS academic Proportion of music sales by method

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
119 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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