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The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals on reasons for choosing a university.

The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals on reasons for choosing a university. BYRx5
A survey of young students about factors for choosing a university shown in the bar chart. In general, there was a significantly difference in the percentage of 11 groups for choosing a university. Actually, language of tution is the most common reason for a university choice; however, the lowest choice belonged to the good language support. It obvious that the cause for choosing a university shown can be divided into three group, namely below 30%, between 30% and 70% and above 70%. Firstly, about 95% of students agree that language of tution was the deciding factor for a university choice, followed by the quality of teachers and up-to-date teaching facilities, with 5% less. Meanwhile, cost of accommodation made up 80% of the total, and 75% belonged to cost of tution. Secondly, location and reputation took the lion’s share with the same proportion of 70% in the 30%-70% group. Friendliness and good preparation for work comes next in the chart with less than 5%, specifically 65%. In the end, modern teaching methods are chosen by 30% of students, a rather small number. Undoubtedly, good language support is the least concern causes with only 20%.
A survey of young students about factors for choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
shown in the bar chart.

In general
, there was a
You used an adverb ('significantly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('difference') instead of another adjective.
significantly difference
in the percentage of 11 groups for choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
is the most common reason for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
choice;
however
, the lowest choice belonged to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
support.
It seems that a verb is missing after "It". Please verify.
It
obvious that the cause for choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
shown can
be divided
into three group,
namely
below 30%, between 30% and 70% and above 70%.

Firstly
, about 95% of students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
was the deciding factor for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
choice, followed by the quality of teachers and up-to-date teaching facilities, with 5% less. Meanwhile, cost of accommodation made up 80% of the total, and 75% belonged to cost of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
.

Secondly
, location and reputation took the lion’s share with the same proportion of 70% in the 30%-70% group. Friendliness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
preparation for work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
next
in the chart with less than 5%,
specifically
65%.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, modern teaching methods
are chosen
by 30% of students, a
rather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number.
Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
support is the least concern causes with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20%.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals on reasons for choosing a university.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
193 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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