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proportion of employment between male and female

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The bar chart compares the proportion of employment between male and female in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, the UK, New Zealand and the USA for the year 1995 and 2005. Overall, the employment rates of men were higher than that of women in all of the six given countries. Moreover, after ten years, the figures for six nations in both genders increased significantly. In 1995, about 70% of Icelandic male had jobs while the data for Switzerland was slightly lower. At the same time, the percentage of employment in the USA and New Zealand for men was about 60%, whereas the UK and Australia recorded the statistic of around 55%. After a decade, Iceland and Switzerland were the two countries which had around 80% male employment, followed by the four remaining countries with the figure at about 70%. All six countries registered lower than 60% of working women in 1995, with the highest rate being 55% in Switzerland and the lowest 25% in New Zealand. In 2005, Switzerland continued to lead in terms of employment rates for women at nearly 70%. The data for the UK and the USA stood at 60% while that for New Zealand, Australia and Iceland ranged from 40% to 50%.
The bar chart compares the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
between male and female in Australia, Switzerland, Iceland, the UK,
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New
Zealand and the USA for the year 1995 and 2005.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rates of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were higher than that of women in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
six
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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countries
.
Moreover
, after ten years, the figures for six nations in both genders increased
significantly
.

In 1995, about 70% of Icelandic male had jobs while the data for Switzerland was
slightly
lower. At the same time, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in the USA and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was about 60%, whereas the UK and Australia recorded the statistic of around 55%. After a decade, Iceland and Switzerland were the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which had around 80% male
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employment
, followed by the four remaining
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countries
with the figure at about 70%.

All six
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countries
registered lower than 60% of working women in 1995, with the highest rate being 55% in Switzerland and the lowest 25% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand. In 2005, Switzerland continued to lead in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rates for women at
nearly
70%. The data for the UK and the USA stood at 60% while that for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand, Australia and Iceland ranged from 40% to 50%.
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IELTS academic proportion of employment between male and female

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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