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Prices for children participating in games, sports or competition prices

Prices for children participating in games, sports or competition prices KlL1w
I think that allowing children to participate in games is a decision that depends on the personality and beliefs of their parents. Each family decides the way they want to raise their children. If you ask for my opinion, I was risen in a way where I had to deal with winning and losing. When I was a little girl, I was part of soccer and basketball teams, I was a very good player and I made some friends and it helped me to have a nice childhood; the only problem was that I am ambitious, and I cannot deal with losing and that is why I am not feeling prepared for life. But I do not think that only allowing them to participate if everyone gets a prize is better. If the idea is to get kids fully prepared for life, a world where everyone wins does not exist. So, taking into account these 2 points of view I would recommend encouraging children to participate in games, sports and competitions, cheer them up to be the best players, support the partners, listen to suggestions to improve and recognize when someone else is better than them but also teaching them that losing is an opportunity to work harder and progress to become better and we can always become better. Of course, having fun and enjoying the game is more important than winning, but working hard and be the best is a feeling that empowers people and that can also give confidence to the children.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in games is a decision that depends on the personality and beliefs of their parents. Each family decides the way they want to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
my opinion, I
was risen
in a way where I had to deal with winning and losing. When I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girl, I was part of soccer and basketball teams, I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
player and I made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to have a nice childhood; the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
problem was that I am ambitious, and I cannot deal with losing and
that is
why I am not feeling prepared for life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
allowing them to participate if everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a prize is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
kids
fully
prepared for life, a world where everyone wins does not exist.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, taking into account these 2 points of view I would recommend encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in games, sports and competitions, cheer them up to be the best players, support the partners, listen to suggestions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and recognize when someone else is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teaching them that losing is an opportunity to work harder and progress to become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
better and
we can always become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
Of course
, having fun and enjoying the game is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than winning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and be the best is a feeling that empowers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and that can
also
give confidence to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS academic Prices for children participating in games, sports or competition prices

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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