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pollution bar graph in china japan america and australia

pollution bar graph in china japan america and australia EdaXD
The image illustrates the various parameters responsible for pollution of air in four different nations(China, America, Japan, Australia) in the year 2021. Overall, the nation accounting for humonguos amount of pollution is China whereas Australia stands at the bottom. The most popular cause of pollution will be industry followed by transport, the latter can be called the sole important reason for pollution in the USA. Firstly, hazard from factories stands at a staggering amount of 80PPM in China, whereas Japan comes second at a value slightly above 40PPM. It is a mere 28PPM and 18PPM in America and Australia respectively. Secondly, Transport is the next important causative factor of air pollution. It is the single most responsible reason in America standing at a value of 58PPM. However, if numbers are compared, China is still at the top with a value of 70PPM. Whereas Japan's tranport is responsible for 30PPM and Australia's is 18PPM. Lastly, electricity generation accounts for 58PPM in China, 30PPM in America, 20PPM in Australia and the very least in Japan.
The image illustrates the various parameters responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
of air in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations(China, America, Japan, Australia) in the year 2021.

Overall
, the nation accounting for
Possible spelling mistake found.
humonguos
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is China whereas Australia stands at the bottom.

The most popular cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
will be industry followed by transport, the latter can
be called
the sole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
in the USA.

Firstly
, hazard from factories stands at a staggering amount of 80PPM in China, whereas Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
second at a value
slightly
above 40PPM. It is a mere 28PPM and 18PPM in America and Australia
respectively
.

Secondly
, Transport is the
next
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
causative factor of air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. It is the single most responsible reason in America standing at a value of 58PPM.
However
, if numbers
are compared
, China is
still
at the top with a value of 70PPM. Whereas Japan's
Possible spelling mistake found.
tranport
is responsible for 30PPM and Australia's is 18PPM.

Lastly
, electricity generation accounts for 58PPM in China, 30PPM in America, 20PPM in Australia and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
least in Japan.
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IELTS academic pollution bar graph in china japan america and australia

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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