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THE GIVEN GRAPH SHOWS LIESURE ACTVITIES CONSMED BY BOYS AND GIRLS.

THE GIVEN GRAPH SHOWS LIESURE ACTVITIES CONSMED BY BOYS AND GIRLS. BgO3w
THE BAR GRAPH REPRESENTS THE FOUR TYPES LIESURE ACTIVITIES( SPORTS, COMPUTER GAMES, MUSIC AND SHOPPING) COSNUMED BY BOTH BOYS AND GIRLS. UNITS ARE MEASURED IN PERCENTAGE. OVERALL, CONSUMPTION OF MUSIC IS SIMILIAR WITH BOTH GENDERS. BOYS SPENT MOST OF LIESURE TIME SHOPPING WHERAS, GIRLS SPENT MAJORITY OF TIME IN MUSIC. FURTHERMORE, THE SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IS IN SPORTS. IN TERMS OF SPORTS, THE PERCENTAGE OF BOYS IS TWICE AS COMPARED TO GIRLS RESPECTIVELY 12% AND 25%. COMPUTER GAMES HAS VERY LESS VARIATION WITH BOYS AT IS JUST ABOVE 15% AN GIRLS AT MERERLY LESS THAN 15%. AS FAR AS MUSIC IS CONCERNED, BOYS AND GIRLS BOTH HAS SIMILIAR PERCENTAGE AT AROUND 18% WHERAS, THE MAJOR DIFFERENCE IS IN SHOPPING WITH APPROXIMATELY 30%.
THE BAR GRAPH REPRESENTS THE FOUR TYPES
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LIESURE
ACTIVITIES
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
SPORTS, COMPUTER GAMES,
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MUSIC
AND SHOPPING)
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COSNUMED
BY BOTH
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BOYS
AND
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GIRLS
. UNITS
ARE MEASURED
IN PERCENTAGE.

OVERALL
, CONSUMPTION OF
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MUSIC
IS
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SIMILIAR
WITH BOTH GENDERS.
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BOYS
SPENT MOST OF
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LIESURE
TIME SHOPPING
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WHERAS
,
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GIRLS
SPENT
It seems that an article is missing.
MAJORITY OF
TIME IN
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MUSIC
.
FURTHERMORE
, THE SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE IS IN SPORTS.

IN TERMS OF SPORTS, THE PERCENTAGE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BOYS
IS TWICE AS COMPARED TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GIRLS
RESPECTIVELY
12% AND 25%. COMPUTER GAMES HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
LESS VARIATION WITH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BOYS
AT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
ABOVE 15% AN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GIRLS
AT
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MERERLY
LESS THAN 15%.

AS FAR AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MUSIC
IS CONCERNED
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
BOYS
AND
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
GIRLS
BOTH HAS
Possible spelling mistake found.
SIMILIAR
PERCENTAGE AT AROUND 18%
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHERAS
, THE MAJOR DIFFERENCE IS IN SHOPPING WITH APPROXIMATELY 30%.

IELTS academic THE GIVEN GRAPH SHOWS LIESURE ACTVITIES CONSMED BY BOYS AND GIRLS.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
121 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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