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piechart of land degarded

The pie chart represents the reasons of land degradation in a large group of islands in South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand, like deforestation, over-grazing, more cultivation, and others. Overall, worldwide land degradation in regions including North America, Europe and Oceania (Islands) all four major causes are considered, and total land degraded percentage is calculated. The two major causes of four, are burning and cutting of trees as well as over-grazing, which cause 30%, and 35% of total land degraded worldwide. Whereas, only 28% of area on land is degraded because of unwanted production and cultivation of plants, and about 7% is degraded because of other causes. In North America, deforestation is least compared to all other regions, which is only 0. 2%, where Europe has the highest percent of deforestation, which is 9. 8%. The cause of over-cultivation if zero is the oceania area, but has highest percent of over-grazing amongst all other regions, that is 11. 3%. In over-grazing, Europe is almost four times then that of North America, which is 5. 5% of 1. 5%. North America has the least land degraded amongst all others, that is only 5%, whereas Europe has the highest, 23%.
The pie chart represents the reasons of
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land
degradation in a large group of islands in South Pacific including Australia and New Zealand, like deforestation, over-grazing, more cultivation,
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and others
.

Overall
, worldwide
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land
degradation in regions including
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North
America, Europe and Oceania (Islands) all four major
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causes
are considered
, and total
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land
degraded percentage
is calculated
.

The two major
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causes
of four, are burning and cutting of trees
as well
as over-grazing, which
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cause
30%, and 35% of total
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land
degraded worldwide. Whereas,
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only
28% of area on
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land
is degraded
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because
of unwanted production and cultivation of plants, and about 7%
is degraded
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because
of
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other
causes.

In
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North
America, deforestation is least compared to all
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other
regions, which is
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only
0. 2%, where Europe has the highest percent of deforestation, which is 9. 8%. The
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cause
of over-cultivation if zero is the
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oceania
area,
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but
has
A determiner is probably missing here: “the highest”.
highest
percent of over-grazing amongst all
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other
regions,
that is
11. 3%. In over-grazing, Europe is almost four times then that of
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North
America, which is 5. 5% of 1. 5%.
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North
America has the least
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land
degraded amongst all others,
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%, whereas Europe has the highest, 23%.
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IELTS academic piechart of land degarded

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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