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The graphs show winter travel trends in the United States from 1999 to 2003. (figures are shown in millions of person-trips)

The bar charts illustrated the traveling movements in the US between 1999 and 2003. The unit is measured in millions of person trips. It is evident that there had been a negative correlation between business trips and leisure trips. In comparison to profession purpose, which witnessed a downward trend, there was a drastic rise in the number of person-trips constituted for entertainment At the entrance of the period, there were approximately 38 million person-trips for business in this nation. Subsequently, professional tours dropped slightly before witnessed a plunge to merely 30 million. Despite the reduction, the Americans had traveled more and end up with 31 million business trips in total. In terms of leisure, the data was in exceed the former, which was nearly 5 times higher. Starting at 148 million, the number of leisure outings raised slightly by 2 million in 2000 and it underwent a gigantic leap to 160 million after a year. As a result, the figure continues enhanced and peaked at somewhere in the vicinity of 163 million in 2003.
The bar charts illustrated the traveling movements in the US between 1999 and 2003. The unit
is measured
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of person trips.

It is evident that there had been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
correlation between business trips and leisure trips.
In comparison
to profession purpose, which witnessed a downward trend, there was a drastic rise in the number of person-trips constituted for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
entertainment


At the entrance of the period, there were approximately 38
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
person-trips for business in this nation.
Subsequently
, professional tours dropped
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
witnessed a plunge to
merely
30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. Despite the reduction, the Americans had traveled more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with 31
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
business trips in total.

In terms of leisure, the data was in exceed the former, which was
nearly
5 times higher. Starting at 148
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, the number of leisure outings raised
slightly
by 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2000 and
it underwent a gigantic leap to 160
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
after a year.
As a result
, the figure continues enhanced and peaked at somewhere in the vicinity of 163
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2003.
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IELTS academic The graphs show winter travel trends in the United States from 1999 to 2003. (figures are shown in millions of person-trips)

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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