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pie charts show the places where adults aged 20+ and children in the age group 2 to 19 ate in the year 2005 in the US.

pie charts show the places where adults aged 20+ and children in the age group 2 to 19 ate in the year 2005 in the US. p5Jpy
The pie charts provides information about the places where adults of age 20 and above and children of age between 2 to 19 years old preffered to eat in the United states in the year 2005. Overall, school is the only place added in the data of second graph. Moreover there is only slight difference between the graphs. the data is calibrated in percentage. Firstly, Home is the place where most adults of age 20 and above choosen among other categories with dominating percentage of 68%. It is more than the double of all other places cumulated. Further, Fast food joints is at second place to be preffered with the percentage of 13%. It is 1/5 of the home. Further, Restaurant and other away from home are other two places with very less difference of 1% among these two restaurant has the highest of 1/10th in total. Secondly, Home is at the top of preference which is at nearly equal with first graph with only 1% difference. In addition, Restaurant is dipped to half of the first graph. School which is the extra place added to this data has an 7%. Which is as same as other away from school. Meanwhile Fast food joints occupied proportion that is equal to first graph but
The pie charts provides information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where adults of age 20 and above and children of age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2 and 19".
between 2 to 19
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
to eat in the
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
in the year 2005.
Overall
, school is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the data of second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slight difference between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
data
is calibrated
in percentage.

Firstly
, Home is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where most adults of age 20 and above
Possible spelling mistake found.
choosen
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
categories with dominating percentage of 68%. It is more than the double of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
cumulated.
Further
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
food joints is at second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
with the percentage of 13%. It is 1/5 of the home.
Further
, Restaurant and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
away from home are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less difference of 1% among these two restaurant has the highest of 1/10th in total.

Secondly
, Home is at the top of preference which is at
nearly
equal with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% difference.
In addition
, Restaurant
is dipped
to half of the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
. School which is the extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to this data has an 7%.

“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
away from school.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
food joints occupied proportion
that is
equal to
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
but
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IELTS academic pie charts show the places where adults aged 20+ and children in the age group 2 to 19 ate in the year 2005 in the US.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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