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pie charts of energy in france

pie charts of energy in france KlRoL
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of energy produced by many sources of energy in France in 1995 and 2005. Overall in the 10 years, sources were primarily generated through coal and gas which both of them account for two third of entire production. Coal and gas has experienced a slight growth of almost more or less than 1% which other energy turn to almost double after 10 years. Although nuclear energy has increased its production from 6. 4% to 10. 10% with advanced 4% in production in 10 years. Petrol which is included of a quarter of Frances energy sources in 1995 has showed a remarkable reduced, subsequently has fallen to 19. 55% in 2005 with an overall decline of almost 9% in 10 years.
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of
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energy
produced by
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many
sources of
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energy
in France in 1995 and 2005.

Overall
in the 10 years, sources were
primarily
generated through coal and gas which both of them account for two third of entire production.

Coal and gas has experienced a slight growth of almost more or less than 1% which other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
turn to almost double after 10 years.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
nuclear
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energy
has increased its production from 6. 4% to 10. 10% with advanced 4% in production in 10 years.

Petrol which
is included
of a quarter of Frances
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energy
sources in 1995 has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
subsequently
has fallen to 19. 55% in 2005 with an
overall
decline of almost 9% in 10 years.
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IELTS academic pie charts of energy in france

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
126 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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