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pie charts give information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003.

pie charts give information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003. 6dQgj
The pie charts illustrate players of electronic games in terms of age, genders and kinds of games they like in South Korea in through the year 2003. It is clear that electronic games were popular among young people in Korea. It is also noted that the figure for the amount of people who were keen on action games was the highest in many different kinds of games in 2003. To begin with, the percentage of Korean gamers under 18 years old accounted for 39%, which was just 1% higher than those between 18 and 36 years old and 16% more than those over 36 years old. Obviously, the major gender of gamers was male. The proportion of male players comprised 72%, which was three times as high as the percentage of female players. The percentage of people who enjoyed playing action games was 43%, while the figures for sports games players and racing games players were lower, at 20% and 17% respectively. Additionally, the proportion of education games players made up 7%, which was the same to the percentage of role – playing gamers, whereas the proportion of other gamers was 6%.
The pie charts illustrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in terms of age, genders and kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they like in South Korea in through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2003.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were popular among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Korea. It is
also
noted that the figure for the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were keen on action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
was the highest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in 2003.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Korean gamers under 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
accounted for 39%, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1% higher than those between 18 and 36 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and 16% more than those over 36 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Obviously
, the major gender of gamers was male. The proportion of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
comprised 72%, which was three times as high as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of female players.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who enjoyed playing action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
was 43%, while the figures for sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and racing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
were lower, at 20% and 17%
respectively
.
Additionally
, the proportion of education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
made up 7%, which was the same to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "role-playing".
role – playing
gamers, whereas the proportion of other gamers was 6%.
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IELTS academic pie charts give information about players of electronic games in South Korea in 2003.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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