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pie chart of australian average household energy and gas

pie chart of australian average household energy and gas gbbog
The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of energy used by an average Australian in their houses and the greenhouse gases emitted by those energy uses respectively. Overall, water heating energy usage as well greenhouse gas emission have skyrocketed in both the pie charts. According to the first figure, heating started off with maximum usage, yet, majority of greenhouse gases come from other appliances. On comparing both the charts, it is comprehensive that energy utilized by heating in Aussies' homes has the highest consumption of 42% of the total usage, which, on the other hand, releases 27% less greenhouse gas when compared to the energy used. Water heating, however, has a steady energy consumption of 30% as well as greenhouse gas emission of 32%. Thus, water heating emits greenhouse gases more than twice as that does heating. The gases released by refrigeration into the atmosphere is twofold the amount of energy utilized. But, supplanting all are the other appliances, emitting a drastic percentage of 28% of greenhouse gases, which is sizable in comparison to all the other energy usages. On the contrary, emissions from cooling and heating collectively accounted to approximately 1/10th of the total amount whicle consuming only 6% of the net energy.
The two pie charts illustrate the percentage of
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by an average Australian in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and the
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greenhouse
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gases
emitted by those
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energy
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uses
respectively
.

Overall
, water
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heating
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energy
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usage
as well
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greenhouse
gas emission have skyrocketed in both the pie charts. According to the
first
figure,
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heating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
off with maximum
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usage
,
yet
,
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majority of
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greenhouse
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gases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
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other
appliances.

On comparing both the charts, it is comprehensive that
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energy
utilized by
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heating
in Aussies' homes has the highest consumption of 42% of the total
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usage
, which, on the
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other
hand, releases 27% less
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greenhouse
gas when compared to the
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energy
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used
. Water
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heating
,
however
, has a steady
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energy
consumption of 30%
as well
as
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greenhouse
gas emission of 32%.
Thus
, water
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heating
emits
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greenhouse
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gases
more than twice as that
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes heating".
does heating
.

The
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gases
released by refrigeration into the atmosphere is twofold the amount of
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energy
utilized.
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But
, supplanting all are the
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other
appliances, emitting a drastic percentage of 28% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gases
, which is sizable
in comparison
to all the
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other
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energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usages
.
On the contrary
, emissions from cooling and
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heating
collectively
accounted to approximately 1/10th of the total amount
Possible spelling mistake found.
whicle
consuming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6% of the net
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energy
.
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IELTS academic pie chart of australian average household energy and gas

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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