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chart showing steel production demand and workers

chart showing steel production demand and workers Eddbq
The two line charts depict the amount of steel demanded and produced in million tonnes along with the number of employees (in thousands) working in steel industry during 2010 in the UK. Overall, both the production and the number of workers employed decreased during the last few months of 2010. According to the first chart, in January, the generation of steel superseded twofold the demand. Production peaked almost twice during the year accounting for an amount of around 5000 million tonnes steel during February and September. After September, production slumped dramatically, decreasing more than 1/5th than the last peak value. However, the demand for steel fluctuated frequently but ended up at 2000 million tonnes- the same value which it started off with. On the contrary, the number of employees reached the highest number by February, corresponding to just over 5000 thousand. However, over the span of the next 10 months, number of worker gradually reduced, experiencing two downfalls- a sharp decrease from Febrauary and a steady declinatoon after August.
The two line charts depict the amount of
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steel
demanded and produced in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
tonnes along with the
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number
of employees (in thousands) working in
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steel
industry during 2010 in the UK.

Overall
, both the production and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers employed decreased during the last few months of 2010.

According to the
first
chart, in January, the generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
superseded twofold the demand. Production peaked almost twice during the year accounting for an amount of around 5000 million tonnes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
during February and September. After September, production slumped
dramatically
, decreasing more than 1/5th than the last peak value.
However
, the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
fluctuated
frequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ended up at 2000 million tonnes- the same value which it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
off with.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employees reached the highest
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number
by February, corresponding to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 5000 thousand.
However
, over the span of the
next
10 months,
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number
of worker
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, experiencing two downfalls- a sharp decrease from
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Febrauary
and a steady
Possible spelling mistake found.
declinatoon
after August.
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IELTS academic chart showing steel production demand and workers

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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