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Percentage on different things by five countries

Percentage on different things by five countries PLRA2
The information about expenditure by five different nations on various items is depicted by the table chart. The data has been calibrated in percentage. Overview, it is noticed that maximum income has been spent on housing and food and beverages but minimum was on clothing and entertainment. By analyzing the table it is clear that the marginal difference has been observed for spending money on food and drinks in France and UK with 2%. Moreover, Turkey, Spain and German had spent 36%, 31% and 22% of the salary on the same item. Whereas, on housing, Spain and Turkey has spent only 18 and 20% of their income. Furthermore, it has been seen that income spended on clothing by five countries remained under 15%, however, 19% income was spent on entertainment by Germans which was highest among all other four nations.
The information about expenditure by five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations on various items
is depicted
by the table chart. The data has
been calibrated
in percentage.

Overview, it
is noticed
that maximum income has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on housing and food and beverages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
minimum was on clothing and entertainment.

By analyzing the table it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the marginal difference has
been observed
for spending money on food and drinks in France and UK with 2%.
Moreover
, Turkey, Spain and German had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
36%, 31% and 22% of the salary on the same item. Whereas, on housing, Spain and Turkey has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18 and 20% of their income.

Furthermore
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that income
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "spent", the past tense form of the verb 'spend'?
spended
on clothing by five countries remained under 15%,
however
, 19% income was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on entertainment by Germans which was highest among all other four nations.
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IELTS academic Percentage on different things by five countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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