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The given pie chart shows that

The given pie chart shows that eEAYV
The given two pie charts elucidate the differences in diseases in two groups of countries which are developing and industrialized ones. Overall, it can be seen from the graphs, the proportion of ilnesses is different in the two pie charts. In underdeveloped countries infectious and parasitic diseases make up the largest amount while "other" ilnesses compose the greatest amount in developed nations. To begin with, in underdeveloped nations heart diseases account for 43% and infectious and parasitic ilnesses make up 46% while heart sicknesses compose 24% in industrialized countries. Then infectious diseases is only 1% in wealthy nations. That is to say that, this percentage is 46 times lower than developing ones. Further analyzing the graph, there is huge difference between underdeveloped and developed ones in other types of ilnesses, 2% and 54% respectively. The charts also show that cancer is 9% in unwealthy nations while it is 21% in developed ones.
The
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given
two pie charts elucidate the differences in
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diseases
in two groups of countries which are developing and industrialized ones.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graphs, the proportion of
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ilnesses
is
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different
in the two pie charts. In underdeveloped countries infectious and parasitic
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diseases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up the largest amount while
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
other
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
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ilnesses
compose the greatest amount in developed nations.

To
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begin
with, in underdeveloped nations heart
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diseases
account for 43% and infectious and parasitic
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ilnesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up 46% while heart sicknesses compose 24% in industrialized countries. Then infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1% in wealthy nations.
That is
to say that, this percentage is 46 times lower than developing ones.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
analyzing the graph, there is huge difference between underdeveloped and developed
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
in other types of
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ilnesses
, 2% and 54%
respectively
. The charts
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that cancer is 9% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwealthy
nations while it is 21% in developed ones.
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IELTS academic The given pie chart shows that

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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