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Percentage of foodstuffs and other goods

Percentage of foodstuffs and other goods DoqAa
The given bar graph depicts the expenses of people in three European nations spend on food and other goods from the year of 1998 to 2008. Overall, it can be vividly seen that the proportion of food items and other goods purchased by all countries increased in 2008 compared to 1998. As can be observed from the illustration the ratio of food and other items were bought by people at 15% and 8% respectively in France. However the proportion of both items were identical at 40% in 2008. Moreover in 1998 the inhabitants of Germany were consumed food and other items were 25% and 16% approx whereas by 2008 portion accounting for 30% and nearly 25%. Moving towards England the percentage of foodstuffs and other goods were 10% and 7% in 1998 as it can be clearly seen that it was declined by 3%. On the contrary in 2008 the items experience a significant rise which were 35%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the expenses of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in three European nations spend on
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food
and
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from the year of 1998 to 2008.

Overall
, it can be
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by all countries increased in 2008 compared to 1998.

As can
be observed
from the illustration the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at 15% and 8%
respectively
in France.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the proportion of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
were identical at 40% in 2008.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
in 1998 the inhabitants of Germany
were consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
were 25% and 16% approx whereas by 2008 portion accounting for 30% and
nearly
25%.

Moving towards England the percentage of foodstuffs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
were 10% and 7% in 1998 as it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that it
was declined
by 3%.
On the contrary
in 2008 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
experience a significant rise which were 35%.
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IELTS academic Percentage of foodstuffs and other goods

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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