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percentage of australians men and women doing regular exercise

percentage of australians men and women doing regular exercise XVB0E
Presented is a bar chart comparing the proportions of the six different age groups of males and females from 15 to over 65, doing regular physical exercise in Australia in 2010. One striking feature of the data is that the percentage of women had positive correlation with their age, rose consistently by aging. This figure commenced from somewhere a little below 48% (15 to 24) to well above 53% for ages 45 to 54 (the maximum figure). There are some exceptions for 55 to 64 and 65-year-old and over; the proportion of the former declined by 0. 3%, while that of the latter dropped just under the initial statistic (a low of 47%). By contrast, men’s activity for the first three groups correlated negatively with their age, incrementally decreased from a little below 53% (more than that of women) to 39. 5% for 35 to 44 (the least record). In the other categories, however, this figure went up to approximately reached closed to the women’s percentage at 46. 7%. Overall, the percentage of the women’s exercise, by two exceptions, had direct relationship with their age. Those related to men under 44 declined steadily at first, then rose gradually to reach the women’s activity.
Presented is a bar chart comparing the proportions of the six
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different
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age
groups of males and females from 15 to over 65, doing regular physical exercise in Australia in 2010.

One striking feature of the data is that the percentage of
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women
had
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positive
correlation with their
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age
, rose
consistently
by aging. This figure commenced from somewhere a
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little
below 48% (15 to 24) to well above 53% for
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ages
45 to 54 (the maximum figure). There are
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some
exceptions for 55 to 64 and 65-year-
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old
and over; the proportion of the former declined by 0. 3%, while that of the latter dropped
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just
under the initial statistic (a low of 47%).

By contrast,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s activity for the
first
three groups correlated
negatively
with their
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age
,
incrementally
decreased from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
below 53% (more than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women)
to 39. 5% for 35 to 44 (the least record). In the other categories,
however
, this figure went up to approximately reached closed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
percentage at 46. 7%.

Overall
, the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
exercise, by two exceptions, had direct relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Those related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
under 44 declined
steadily
at
first
, then rose
gradually
to reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
activity.

IELTS academic percentage of australians men and women doing regular exercise

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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