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Table about industries about gender, age group and married stats

Table about industries about gender, age group and married stats gDOKA
To sum up all above, it can be seen that male workey mostly worked & married, middle age worker mostly worked inThis table illustrates the counter of employees in rictall and manufactul By industries on the basis of Sax, marital status and age in one country. The data is calibrated in the form of percentage. First of all, male employees was -Just 47% while female was 5. 3% in Retail industry sector. Manufac turing sector contain 65% candidates men however women were only thirty sive percente. Both industries. e occupied meege mostly married mes that was 61% for Retail industry and 69% for manufacturing industry. Furthermore to age grop of Both industries. There was very small number of youngster and senior citizens who worked in industry. Mostly elder adults workers were engaged in retail industry while in manufacturing industry gray coloured person work more. To sum up all above, it can be seen that male workey mostly worked & married, middle age worker mostly worked in
To sum up all above, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that male
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workey
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mostly
worked & married, middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
worked
Possible spelling mistake found.
inThis
table illustrates the counter of employees in
Possible spelling mistake found.
rictall
and
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manufactul
By
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industries
on the basis of Sax, marital status and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in one country. The data
is calibrated
in the form of percentage.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, male employees was -
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
47% while female was 5. 3% in Retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
sector.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manufac turing
sector contain 65% candidates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
however
women were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thirty
Possible spelling mistake found.
sive
Possible spelling mistake found.
percente
. Both
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industries
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
e
occupied
Possible spelling mistake found.
meege
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mostly
married mes that was 61% for

Retail
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industry
and 69% for manufacturing industry.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
to
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age
Possible spelling mistake found.
grop
of Both
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industries
. There was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of youngster and senior citizens who worked in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mostly
elder adults workers
were engaged
in retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
while in manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
gray
Possible spelling mistake. 'coloured' is British English.
coloured
person work more. To sum up all above, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that male
Possible spelling mistake found.
workey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
worked & married, middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mostly
worked
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
in
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IELTS academic Table about industries about gender, age group and married stats

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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