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People who had access to clean water in four diffirent regions in the year 2004.

People who had access to clean water in four diffirent regions in the year 2004. Ellwr
In the UN Human Development Report 2006, the given bar chart compares four different regions in the world in term of the data of people that they have access to clean water in the year 2004, with unit measured in percentage Overall, the percentage of people who the access to clearn water in Latin Amirica was significantly higher than those in the other three items, namely the Middle East, South Asia and Saharan Africa It is evident that, among four region, the proportion of people in Latin Amirica was the largest part of the access to clearn water, reaching a peak at 90 percentage, flow by Middle East ranked second place, with about 86 percentage on this. Turning to South Asia, the amount of people who used clearn water was third place, this was slightly lower than Latin Amirica region, with roughly 84 percentage. On the other hand, Saharan Africa accounted for the lowest amount among all part of the access to clearn water, at around 55 percentage.
In the UN Human Development Report 2006, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart compares four
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different
regions in the world in term of the data of
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people
that they have
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access
to clean
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water
in the year 2004, with unit measured in percentage

Overall
, the
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percentage
of
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people
who the
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access
to
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clearn
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water
in Latin
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Amirica
was
significantly
higher than those in the other three items,
namely
the Middle East, South Asia and Saharan Africa

It is evident that, among four
Possible agreement error. The noun 'region' seems to be countable, so consider using: "regions".
region
, the proportion of
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people
in Latin
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Amirica
was the largest part of the
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access
to
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clearn
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water
, reaching a peak at 90
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percentage
, flow
A determiner is probably missing here: "by the Middle East".
by Middle East
ranked second place, with about 86
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percentage
on this.

Turning to South Asia, the amount of
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people
who
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used
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clearn
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water
was third place, this was
slightly
lower than Latin
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Amirica
region, with roughly 84
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percentage
.
On the other hand
, Saharan Africa accounted for the lowest amount among all part of the
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access
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
clearn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, at around 55
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.

IELTS academic People who had access to clean water in four diffirent regions in the year 2004.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
168 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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