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People Hindi 18 to 25 age group used to watch television in Canada in two different year

People Hindi 18 to 25 age group used to watch television in Canada in two different year VYG6K
The graph depicts the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group used to watch television in Canada in two different year. Overall adult mainly used mobile phone and TV for watching television in the year year 2009 and 2019. First effort compared to 2009 a doll's more use mobile phone in year 2019. While, in the year 2009 exactly 34% days a dalte used conventional TV watching television in addition to that only 4% conventional TV used by adults in the 2019. Moreover, 15% days flat sprain used by young ones in 2019 followed by huge increase to approximately 26 % flat screen use to watch in 2019. In spite of, which was eight percentage of mobile phone used by adults in 2009. Although and don'ts more depend on mobile phone to watch program approximately 7% des in 2019. One other hand, in the year 2009 around 18 percentage desktop used by adult and in the year 2009 uses of desktop decreased exactly 12 percentage. In the same way exact 19 % and 5% tablet used by adults in 2009 and 2019 respectively. Finally 12 percentage and 20 percentage tab laptop used by a adult to watch television in the 2009 and 2019
The graph depicts the devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the 18 to 25 age group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in Canada in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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year
.
Overall
adult
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and TV for watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2009 and 2019.
First
effort compared to 2009 a doll's more
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use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2019.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, in the
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year
2009 exactly 34% days a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dalte
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
conventional TV watching
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television
in addition
to that
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only
4% conventional TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
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adults
in the 2019.
Moreover
, 15% days flat sprain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by young ones in 2019 followed by huge increase to approximately 26 % flat screen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
in 2019.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
, which was eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in 2009.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
and
Did you mean "don't"?
don'
ts more depend on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
program approximately 7%
Possible spelling mistake found.
des
in 2019. One other hand, in the
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year
2009 around 18
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percentage
desktop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by adult and in the
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year
2009
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of desktop decreased exactly 12
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percentage
.
In the same way
exact 19 % and 5% tablet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in 2009 and 2019
respectively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
12
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percentage
and 20
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percentage
tab
Possible agreement error. The noun 'laptop' seems to be countable, so consider using: "laptops".
laptop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
adult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in the 2009 and 2019

IELTS academic People Hindi 18 to 25 age group used to watch television in Canada in two different year

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
204 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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