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Obesity prevalence among adults; by sex, England

Obesity prevalence among adults; by sex, England Agqdw
The graph shows how obesity levels have increased in England sin 1994. Clearly, figures have doubled over this period, reaching a current high of around 30 percent for both male and female adults. Looking more closely at the trend for women, it can be seen that a steady increase took place between 1994 and 1998, with obesity levels rising by 5 per cent to 21 per cent. This was followed by a two-period of stability. Then, after the year 2000, levels rose again, reaching a peak of 24 per cent in 2001. Since then, apart from a slight fluctuation, the percentage of obese women in England has increased significantly. The trend for men has been similar during this period, although levels were quite a bit lower in the mid to late nineties. However, between 1998 and 2000 a surge took place when the male figure hit 21 per cent. Since then, the percentage of obese men has risen considerably to reach 30 per cent. Generally, the rate of increase in obesity has been higher in man than in women.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
have increased in England sin 1994.
Clearly
, figures have doubled over this period, reaching a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
high of around 30 percent for both male and female adults.

Looking more
closely
at the trend for women, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a steady increase took place between 1994 and 1998, with obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
rising by 5 per cent to 21 per cent. This
was followed
by a two-period of stability. Then, after the year 2000,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
rose again, reaching a peak of 24 per cent in 2001. Since then, apart from a slight fluctuation, the percentage of obese women in England has increased
significantly
.

The trend for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
has been similar during this period, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
were quite a bit lower in the mid to late nineties.
However
, between 1998 and 2000 a surge took place when the male figure hit 21 per cent. Since then, the percentage of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
has risen
considerably
to reach 30 per cent.
Generally
, the rate of increase in obesity has been higher in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
than in women.
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IELTS academic Obesity prevalence among adults; by sex, England

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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