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partipication in olympics by years

partipication in olympics by years qkoWX
There are two different charts which give different informations about participation in olympics. The bar chart is the one that shows number of male and female participation in the olympics. By this way we are able to compare the number of participation in different years that are 1924, 1952, 1984, 2012. The other chart which is line chart shows us the number of participation without any difference of man or woman. Overall, according to bar chart, the participation in olympics of man and woman has been increased each year. Additionally, the gap between the number of participation of man and woman has been decreased. On another hand, the line chart shows that the participation has been increased each year with different amount of increasing. Consequently, the dramatic increasing in woman participation by years – especially the difference of participation in 1924 and 2012- affected total participation and the velocity of rising up. The women participation has increased to nearly 5000 from any participation in 2012. To summarize all, both of the charts show us how increased the participation to olympics in years.
There are two
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different
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charts
which give
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different
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
about
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participation
in
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olympics
. The bar
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chart
is the one that
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shows
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number
of male and female
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participation
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
. By this way we are able to compare the
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number
of
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participation
in
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different
years that are 1924, 1952, 1984, 2012. The other
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chart
which is line
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chart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
us the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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participation
without any difference of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman.

Overall
, according to bar
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chart
, the
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participation
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and woman has been
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increased
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Additionally
, the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and woman has
been decreased
. On another hand, the line
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chart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
has been
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increased
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with
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different
amount of increasing.

Consequently
, the dramatic increasing in woman
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participation
by years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
especially
the difference of
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participation
in 1924 and 2012-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
total
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participation
and the velocity of rising up. The women
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participation
has
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increased
to
nearly
5000 from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
in 2012.

To summarize
all, both of the
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charts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
us how
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increased
the
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participation
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympics
in years.
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IELTS academic partipication in olympics by years

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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