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One hundred adults, boys and girls in Manchester, England were asked to name the sports they participated in. The results were recorded in the following stacked bar chart.

One hundred adults, boys and girls in Manchester, England were asked to name the sports they participated in. The results were recorded in the following stacked bar chart. leBpD
The stack bar chart gives information about the responses which based on five types of sport participation from three different categories and each survey has one hundred people who live in Manchester, England. It is clear that boys take part in sport activities is the highest proportion of total interviewees. In terms of the number of sport participation, swimming is significantly more popular than football and basketball among all groups. A vast majority of boys favour in swimming around 60 people in total, while the number of boys who take part in hockey is the least among all types of activities. However, the girls received the highest proportion of participating in hockey approximately more than 50 people. While most of girls prefer to play hockey, football is not the popular choices in their group, approximately less than 10 out of 100. Furthermore, It is noticeable that adults are interested in swimming and tennis, while the participation of other sport activities is less than 10. Also, adults and girls have the same number of participation in tennis and football activity.
The stack bar chart gives information about the responses which based on five types of
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sport
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participation
from three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories and each survey has one hundred
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Manchester, England.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
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sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is the highest proportion of total interviewees. In terms of the number of
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sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
, swimming is
significantly
more popular than football and basketball among all groups.

A vast majority of boys
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
in swimming around 60
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in total, while the number of boys who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in hockey is the least among all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
, the girls received the highest proportion of participating in hockey approximately more than 50
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the girls") or simply say "most girls".
most of girls
prefer to play hockey, football is not the popular choices in their group, approximately less than 10 out of 100.
Furthermore
, It is noticeable that adults
are interested
in swimming and tennis, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is less than 10.
Also
, adults and girls have the same number of
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participation
in tennis and football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
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IELTS academic One hundred adults, boys and girls in Manchester, England were asked to name the sports they participated in. The results were recorded in the following stacked bar chart.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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