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Bar graph shows ten sports in 1998 and2005in Canada

Bar graph shows ten sports in 1998 and2005in Canada gYM2D
The given bar graph depicts the information about active participation rates in different ten outdoor games in 1998 and 2005. Overall, it can be clearly seen that golf and ice hockey games were popular in Canada and less famous tennis and cycling in given time period. To start with, tennis, cycling and spline skiling were equal popular in Canada during given time period. witnessing at nearly 9 Percent players had participated in volleyball in1998 the proportion followed decreasing trend and reached at 7 percent in 2005. Approximately 17 percent of players took part in baseball during 1998 which significant decline reached at 7 percent in 2005. Basketball and soccer games were equally popular in Canada in given two years. Moreover, the swimming players were 14 percent and 11 percent in 1998 and 2005 respectively. The golf players was dominated 22 percent in 1998. 21 percent golf players was noticed in later year. While equal proportion of ice hockey players was seen in different years.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the information about active participation rates in
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different
ten outdoor games in 1998 and 2005.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that golf and ice hockey games were popular in Canada and less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tennis and cycling in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period. To
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start
with, tennis, cycling and spline
Possible spelling mistake found.
skiling
were equal popular in Canada during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
witnessing
at
nearly
9
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Percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
had participated in volleyball in1998 the proportion followed decreasing trend and reached at 7
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percent
in 2005. Approximately 17
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percent
of
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players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in baseball during 1998 which significant decline reached at 7
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percent
in 2005. Basketball and soccer games were
equally
popular in Canada in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two years.
Moreover
, the swimming
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players
were 14
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percent
and 11
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percent
in 1998 and 2005
respectively
. The golf
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players
was dominated
22
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percent
in 1998. 21
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percent
golf
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
was noticed
in later year.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
equal proportion of ice hockey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years.

IELTS academic Bar graph shows ten sports in 1998 and2005in Canada

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
164 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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