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Om omar writing task 12345

Om omar writing task 12345 x2321
The diagrams illustrate what frozen fish pies are made of and the number of processes involved in their production. Overall, the frozen fish pie consists of four main ingredients which are prepared and added to the final product in two stages. However, the potatoes are prepared in a separate process, then they are sent to the second stage where the fish and the other ingredients are added. The first stage of making fish pies involves preparing the potatoes. After delivering the potatoes to the factory a month in advance, they are cleaned, peeled, and sliced. Before storing the potatoes to send them to the next stage of the process, they are boiled and chilled after cooking them. After delivering the fresh salmon fish in 12 hours or even less, the second stage, which is longer than the first one, starts. The fresh fish is marinated by adding lemon juice and salt, then they are sent to the steam oven to be cooked. Before sending the salmon to be inspected, the skin and the bones are removed manually to the waste disposal. After that, the rest of the ingredients (the prepared peas and sauce) are added to the steamed fish, and the potatoes, which were prepared in the first stage, are also combined with them in a microwaveable container. Finally, the pie is wrapped and frozen to be stored or dispatched.
The diagrams illustrate what frozen fish pies
are made
of and the number of processes involved in their production.

Overall
, the frozen fish pie consists of four main ingredients which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the final product in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
in a separate process, then they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
where the fish and the other ingredients are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of making fish pies involves preparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
. After delivering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
to the factory a month in advance, they
are cleaned
, peeled, and sliced.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
storing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of the process, they
are boiled
and chilled after cooking them.

After delivering the fresh salmon fish in 12 hours or even less, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, which is longer than the
first
one,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
. The fresh fish
is marinated
by adding lemon juice and salt, then they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the steam oven to
be cooked
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
sending the salmon to
be inspected
, the skin and the bones
are removed
manually
to the waste disposal. After that, the rest of the ingredients (the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
peas and sauce) are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the steamed fish, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
, which were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepared
in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, are
also
combined with them in a microwaveable container.
Finally
, the pie
is wrapped
and frozen to
be stored
or dispatched.
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IELTS academic Om omar writing task 12345

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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