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number of visitors international museums

number of visitors international museums drWK7
The line graph gives information on how many people visited four museums in different countries from 1980 to 2015. Overall, the data reveal that the Louvre museum was the most popular, followed in second place by the Vatican museums whose number of visitors rocketed to almost the same figure for the former by the end of the period shown. On the other hand, the other two museum failed to attracted more visitors over this period than that of in the first year given. The salient feature is the greatest rise in the number of visitors to the Vatican museums, with almost 9 million people visiting them in 2015 compared to almost half as many in 1980. This also reached roughly the same figures for the Louvre museum from 2010 onwards. Turning to the Louvre museum, the figures followed an upward trend, however, in 1995, there was a gradual fall in the number. It then increased for the remaining period, peaking at 9 million. Finally, moving on to the rest, Shenzhen and London Science museums, what stands out is the number of visitors to them were the same from 1990 to 2000, declining slightly to around 3 million. From then on, the number of people visiting London Science museums continued to dropped to 2 million in 2015. By contrast, the figures for Shenzhen museum went back up to where it started (about 4 million).
The line graph gives information on how
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many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited four
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museums
in
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different
countries from 1980 to 2015.
Overall
, the data reveal that the Louvre
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museum
was the most popular, followed in second place by the Vatican
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museums
whose
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number
of
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visitors
rocketed to almost the same
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figure
for the former by the
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end
of the period shown.
On the other hand
, the other two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'museum' seems to be countable, so consider using: "museums".
museum
failed to attracted more
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visitors
over this period than that of in the
first
year
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given
.

The salient feature is the greatest rise in the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to the Vatican
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museums
, with almost 9
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million
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people
visiting them in 2015 compared to almost half as
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many
in 1980. This
also
reached roughly the same
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figures
for the Louvre
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museum
from 2010 onwards.

Turning to the Louvre
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museum
, the
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figures
followed an upward trend,
however
, in 1995, there was a gradual fall in the
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number
. It then increased for the remaining period, peaking at 9 million.

Finally
, moving on to the rest, Shenzhen and London Science
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museums
, what stands out is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to them were the same from 1990 to 2000, declining
slightly
to around 3
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million
. From then on, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting London Science
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museums
continued to dropped to 2
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million
in 2015. By contrast, the
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figures
for Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
went back up to where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
(about 4
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million)
.
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IELTS academic number of visitors international museums

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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