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Number of gym membership

Number of gym membership 7WkoA
The line graph shows the sum of gym membership that has been applied by males and females throughout the years which is from 1980 to 2010. We can see that the number of males becoming a gym membership is very high, to begin with where the number of males joined in 1980 is approximately above 2000, whereas there was only around 1000 female joined the membership. The trend of the line graph for memberships seems has not been very stable considering both the total of male and female membership has kept on increasing and decreasing. The highest number of male membership was around 5000 and only 2500 for the female membership, on the contrast of the male applicants that have been severely high over the first 10 years there is also a drastic decline in the year 1995 and even the number was beaten by the female participants. Overall the graph that has been portrayed above provides a piece of information on how the sum of gym enthusiasts over the last 2 decade, the total participants have gone over a drastic incline and decline through the trends, but the number of the gym’s follower has been astonishing.
The line graph
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shows
the sum of
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gym
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membership
that has
been applied
by
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males
and
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females
throughout the years which is from 1980 to 2010.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
becoming a
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gym
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
is
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very
high, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with where the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in 1980 is approximately above 2000, whereas there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
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membership
. The trend of the line graph for
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memberships
seems has not been
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very
stable considering both the total of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
has
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kept
on increasing and decreasing. The highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
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membership
was around 5000 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2500 for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
, on the contrast of the male applicants that have been
severely
high over the
first
10 years there is
also
a drastic decline in the year 1995 and even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was beaten
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
participants.

Overall
the graph that has
been portrayed
above provides a piece of information on how the sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
enthusiasts over the last 2 decade, the total participants have gone over a drastic incline and decline through the trends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym’s
follower has been astonishing.
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IELTS academic Number of gym membership

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
197 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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