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Number of people joined the night classes

Number of people joined the night classes G97dB
The bar chart describes a comparison between the quantity of male and female students who joined the evening classes in 2010. And the pie chart depicts the different percentages of various aged group joined those classes. At the first glance, it can be easily seen women learners preferred to join language classes than that of men, seeing each percentage as 40 and 20 respectively. On the other hand, the elder learners joined the most of those night classes. There were four types of art learning sections for students (Drama, Painting, Sculpture and Language) at the night school. Women students were least interested in sculpture and only five percentage of total joined the class. However, 10% of male students joined that class; that was the only class where the male student number beat that of female students. In painting class, both of students joined enthusiastically with percentages of 30 for women and 25 for men. Same percentage of male students who joined the sculpture class joined the drama class and the percentage of women who joined that class was exactly 20. As mentioned earlier, older people joined the class in a largest amount (42% of the total) and in contrary, the youngest, ages under 20 years, joined the least (5% of the total). Whereas, the young adults attended the classes were found at a percentage of 11%. The middle aged people, 30-39 and 40-49, enrolled the art classes 16 and 26 percentages respectively.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
a comparison between the quantity of male and female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
the evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in 2010. And the pie chart depicts the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of various aged group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. At the
first
glance, it can be
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
learners preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
than that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, seeing each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
as 40 and 20
respectively
.
On the other hand
, the elder learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
the most of those night classes.

There were four types of art learning sections for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
(Drama, Painting, Sculpture and Language) at the night school.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were least interested in sculpture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
However
, 10% of male
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
; that was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
where the male
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student
number beat that of female
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students
. In painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
enthusiastically
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of 30 for
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women
and 25 for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Same
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percentage
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
the sculpture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
the drama
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
was exactly 20.

As mentioned earlier, older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joined
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
largest amount (42% of the total) and in contrary, the youngest, ages under 20 years,
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joined
the least (5% of the total).
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the young adults attended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
were found
at a
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percentage
of 11%. The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, 30-39 and 40-49, enrolled the art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
16 and 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Number of people joined the night classes

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
242 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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