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Number of people employed in a european country by age and gender,2013

Number of people employed in a european country by age and gender, 2013 xD069
The given graph shows the number of employed people in a certain European country. It is evident that male employees outnumber female employees in almost all age groups. The only exception to this trend are employees aged between 15 and 19. While about 280k girls belonging to this age group are employed, the corresponding figure for boys is 270k. The difference between the number of male and female employees increases with age. The number of female employees drops as their age increases. For example, in the 20-24 age group there is not much difference between the number of male and female employees. However, the difference becomes more pronounced in the 25-29 age group. While about 500k men belonging to this age group are employed, only about 420k women are employed within this category. This gap becomes wider among employees in the 30-34 age group. The number of female employees increases slightly after this age. The most number of employees are in the 40-44 age group. There is a noticeable drop in the number of people (both men and women) working after age 45. This drop becomes more significant as people age. While it is clear that aging affects the employability of people, a small number of men and women aged 75 and above also work.
The
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given
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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number
of
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employed
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people
in a certain European country. It is evident that male
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employees
outnumber
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female
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employees
in almost all
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age
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groups
. The
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only
exception to this trend are
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employees
aged between 15 and 19. While about 280k girls belonging to this
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age
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group
are
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employed
, the corresponding figure for boys is 270k. The difference between the
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number
of male and
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female
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employees
increases with
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age
. The
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number
of
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female
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employees
drops as their
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age
increases.
For example
, in the 20-24
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age
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group
there is not much difference between the
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number
of male and
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female
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employees
.
However
, the difference becomes more pronounced in the 25-29
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age
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group
. While about 500k
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men
belonging to this
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age
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group
are
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employed
,
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only
about 420k women are
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employed
within this category. This gap becomes wider among
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employees
in the 30-34
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age
group.

The
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number
of
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female
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employees
increases
slightly
after this
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age
. The most
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number
of
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employees
are in the 40-44
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. There is a noticeable drop in the
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number
of
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people
(both
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men
and women) working after
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age
45. This drop becomes more significant as
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. While it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that aging affects the employability of
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people
, a
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small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women aged 75 and above
also
work.

IELTS academic Number of people employed in a european country by age and gender, 2013

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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