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number of advertisements for charities on television and the Internet seems

number of advertisements for charities on television and the Internet seems kegbN
The information about the comparisons of bour different retail sectors in terms of the proposta of their sales on the internet in canada between quos and 2010 is depicted by the rendered bar graphs. The data has been calibrated in percentage. Overall perspective, it is clear that the percentage of online sales for each of four groups changed dramatically over the period of 5 years. While the figures for electronics and appliance can and also home furnishings reduced figure for the other two arenas increased. Tom To begin with, Im 2005, electronics and appliance accounted for the largest percentage of internet sales, at 35% However there was a decline in this figure to around 30% in 2010. Moreover, shopping online for home furnishings see a significant drop from 25% in 2005 to 15% in 2010 respectively. on the other hand, I'm contrast, the proportion of sales on the internet for the two remain sectors increased. The most dramatic rocket-up was in food and beverage sector. Therefore, the figure was just 22% of the total online shopping sales in 2005, it rose to 32% in 2010. hastly, video game was the least common user category of online suopping in 2005, in been bus time span individual donot prefer buying video games online, Wwill represented 18% of the total sales but the figure increased to 23% in 2010. To Cap it all, it can be vividly manifested that although the highest sales on online product was electronic and appliances in 2005, but least proportion was house furnishing in 2010 throughout the pastels span.
The information about the comparisons of
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bour


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
retail sectors in terms of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
proposta


of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
on the internet in
Possible spelling mistake found.
canada
between

Possible spelling mistake found.
quos
and 2010
is depicted
by the rendered

bar graphs. The data has
been calibrated
in

percentage.

Overall
perspective, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the percentage

of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for each of four groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed


dramatically


over the period of 5 years. While

the figures for electronics and appliance can

and
also
home furnishings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced


figure for the other two arenas increased.

Tom To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible spelling mistake found
Im
2005, electronics and

appliance accounted for the largest percentage of

internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, at 35%
However
there was a

decline in this figure to around 30% in 2010.

Moreover
, shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
for home furnishings

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a significant drop from 25% in 2005 to

15% in 2010
respectively
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand, I'm contrast, the proportion

of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
on the internet for the two remain

sectors increased. The most dramatic rocket-up was in food and beverage sector.
Therefore
, the

figure was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
22% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping

sales in 2005, it rose to 32% in 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hastly
,

video game was the least common user category

of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Possible spelling mistake found.
suopping
in 2005, in been bus time span

individual
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
prefer buying video games

online,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wwill
represented 18% of the total sales

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the figure increased to 23% in 2010.

To Cap it all, it can be
vividly
manifested

that although the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
on online

product was electronic and appliances in 2005,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
least proportion was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
furnishing

in 2010 throughout the pastels span.
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IELTS academic number of advertisements for charities on television and the Internet seems

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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