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Number of employees born from the European countries but they work in the US.

Number of employees born from the European countries but they work in the US. Xl89r
The bat chart illustrates about the employees were born in various the European countries which are the French, the Italian, the German and the British on the contrary they work in the America in 1999. Overall, tje highest number of employees were went in the US from the British but the French folks were supremely down compare with the German crowds. Firstly, around 5000 the French employees were went in the US for employment in 1999. The German workers were more than the Italian labour in the United States, 25000 and approximately 75000 workers respectively. 2000 workers were went from other European nations. Furthermore, the British manpower were went in the US work in science & technology firm, their amount was more than other countries, they was around 27000. The German workers were less than the British, 25000, and 27000 workforce respectively.
The bat chart illustrates about the employees
were born
in various the European countries which are the French, the Italian, the German and the British
on the contrary
they work in the America in 1999.

Overall
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tje
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
number of employees were
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
went
in the US from the British
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the French folks were
supremely
down compare with the German crowds.

Firstly
, around 5000 the French employees were
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
went
in the US for employment in 1999. The German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were more than the Italian
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in the United States, 25000 and approximately 75000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
respectively
. 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
went
from other European nations.

Furthermore
, the British manpower were
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
went
in the US work in science & technology firm, their amount was more than other countries, they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
around 27000. The German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were less than the British, 25000, and 27000 workforce
respectively
.

IELTS academic Number of employees born from the European countries but they work in the US.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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