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The computer ownsership in population of different education levels

The computer ownsership in population of different education levels oxOd3
The bar charts illustrated that the proportion of computer ownership according to five education levels from 2002 to 2010. There was an obvious uphill trend in the figure of computer ownership during the whole time. The figure claimed approximately 55% in 2002, then it increased by around 5% in every two years to 75% in 2010. In terms of various education level, there was a dramatic increase in the figure of those who did not finish high school from 15% in 2002 to 40% in 2010. Compared with these population, people graduated from high-school enjoyed almost 38% ownership in 2002 and 65% in 2010. Intriguingly, the figure of people acquired Bachelor’s degree and not was quite similar in 2010, even though the figure of former was 10% greater than the latter. The computer ownership of postgraduates ranked highest no matter what in 2002 (75%) or in 2010 (90%), which were more than two times as much as the corresponding figure of populations who were not finish high school. Overall, it’s clear that there was a advantages position in high education level population in terms of computer ownership.
The bar charts illustrated that the proportion of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
according to five education levels from 2002 to 2010.

There was an obvious uphill trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
during the whole time. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
claimed approximately 55% in 2002, then it increased by around 5% in every two years to 75% in 2010. In terms of various education level, there was a dramatic increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of those who did not finish high school from 15% in 2002 to 40% in 2010. Compared with
Did you mean "this population" or "these populations"?
these population
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
graduated from high-school enjoyed almost 38%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in 2002 and 65% in 2010.
Intriguingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
acquired Bachelor’s degree and not was quite similar in 2010,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of former was 10% greater than the latter. The computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
of postgraduates ranked highest no matter what in 2002 (75%) or in 2010 (90%), which were more than two times as much as the corresponding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of populations who were not
Consider using a past participle here: "finished".
finish
high school.

Overall
, it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
advantages position in high education level population in terms of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
.

IELTS academic The computer ownsership in population of different education levels

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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