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people without health insurances

people without health insurances eRVBK
the line graph illustrates the percentage of people who without health insurance in two selected American cities contains Boston and Seattle from 1981 to 2005. In 1981, both Boston and Seattle had same percentages. After this year increasing trend occurred for both city, but the amount of the percentage for Seattle had steeper growth. The line graph for Boston shows that the number of people who was uninsured after a increasing trend started to decreasing around 1984. the declining trend for Boston continued until 1990 that this amount reached to 20%. For the city of Seattle percentage of people who was without insurance reached to highest peak approximately 40% in about 1989. After 1981the rate of the city of Seattle started a fluctuation, but generally has downward trend until 2005 and reached to 20%. On other hand, In the city of Boston the amount of uninsured people decreased slightly until 1990 but then increased suddenly and the rate reached to the high amount in 1994. After 1994 the the amount of without insurance reached to approximate 3% in 2005. According to the graph between 1994 and 1998 declining occurred gradually but from 1998 to 2005 the downward trend was fast. Two line graphs about people who was without health insurance people describe a general decreasing for both cities, but these different for Boston is more than Seattle around these years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
without health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
in two selected American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
contains Boston and Seattle from 1981 to 2005.

In 1981, both Boston and Seattle had same
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percentages
. After this year increasing
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trend
occurred for both city,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
for Seattle had steeper growth. The line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
for Boston
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was uninsured
after
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decreasing around 1984.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
for Boston continued until 1990 that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
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reached
to 20%. For the city of Seattle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
peak approximately 40% in about 1989. After 1981the rate of the city of Seattle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a fluctuation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
generally
has downward
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "trended".
trend
until 2005 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
to 20%. On other hand, In the city of Boston the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of uninsured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decreased
slightly
until 1990
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then increased
suddenly
and the rate
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reached
to the high
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amount
in 1994.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
1994
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of without
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insurance
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reached
to approximate 3% in 2005. According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
between 1994 and 1998 declining occurred
gradually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from 1998 to 2005 the downward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.

Two line
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graphs
about
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was without health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
a general decreasing for both
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cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for Boston is more than Seattle around these years.
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IELTS academic people without health insurances

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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